Necessity

A friend shared this on Facebook recently.  Another friend commented 'do we even have a clue?'  At first I agreed, but then I had to think about it some more.

As Americans I think a lot of us have a clue, we see pictures, we view it on t.v. and some of us have even been to countries where we have seen the suffering of others first hand.  BUT we are so used to comfort.  We struggle with letting go of it. 

I live in a third world country, surrounded by poverty, crime, and corruption (see our recent newsletter for more information on this... http://media.wix.com/ugd/2dace3_7b67cb80cec26631fb173eb83a7d9537.pdf?dn=November+2011+Newsletter.pdf.)  Yet I struggle with this.  Yes, we are here to help those in need, but we have our comforts....those things we want and feel we need. 

Some of my recent challenges:
-Did I really need to spend the equivalent of $11 on three creamers for coffee just because I don't know when I'll be able to find them again?
-Did I need to buy lunch out yesterday when I could have waited that one hour until I got home to eat leftovers?
-Do we avoid going to visit family for more than one night because we don't like the lack of comfort in showering (cold water), in sleeping (sleeping 3 to a bed and with various insects nearby), in eating (the same type of food every meal), and in weather (it is much hotter there)?  We love family, but we struggle with our comfort.
-Did I spend too much on my children for Christmas because I want 'things' to bring them joy because I feel bad that they have given up a lot to be missionary kids?

As I started writing that list, I began to think about more than just the physical items.  Wow, I am challenged by my mindset, as well.  I want things to be pretty, not just comfortable.  I want things a certain way, a neat way, an organized way. 

This isn't the first time I've been challenged.  For me it is a constant battle.  I don't like discomfort.  I don't like disorganization.  I don't like injustice.  I don't like looking at the starving child, at the physical abnormalities of beggars in Honduran streets, at the families digging through our trash on trash days, at the houses made of cardboard set up along the river, at the children begging or working when they should be in school.

Every time I think about this, I come back to the same place.  I ease my consience by saying that we are here helping to improve the lives of people and most importantly, give them eternal hope.  We share money, food, and items when we feel 'called' to do so.  We left 'home' to come help in a place where we will never really 'fit in', and gave up things that we 'loved'.  Yet, I still feel guilty about all that I have and all my comforts.

Food 'baskets' for some workers in our neighborhood.

Our Christmas tree

Why is that?  I think Satan tries to discourage me by trying to undermine the things we are doing.  And sometimes God is calling me to do more.  I need to seek God more for His calling for me and ask Him to remove those doubts.  I need to focus on giving Him thanks in all things and being content with what I have.

Kids, What Fun!

After hearing at least once a week that I am old (because I call my children by the wrong names and forget things) I finally was rewarded by some dear, sweet (maybe crazy) 7th grade girl.

A Honduran friend teaches English at a small Christian school and he asked if I would come help in his classroom, so the kids could practice English with someone without an accent.

The 7th grade class was supposed to ask questions about me and then they have to write my biography. The second question was 'How old are you?' When I said 48, this dear, sweet (maybe crazy) girl shouts out 'You don't look any older than 32!'

Needless to say, she got a few hugs and I made sure to remind her to include that in the biography!
(I don't have a picture of that dear, sweet, maybe crazy 7th grade girl, but I do have one of my dear, sweet, maybe crazy 7th grader!)

Fall

One of the most difficult things about Honduras is the weather. Yes, I know, most people would love to have summer all the time, but not me.

I LOVE winter and I really enjoy fall. Summer is my least favorite of seasons.

God so good! He placed us in the capital, where the weather is cooler than in many parts of the country, and it can even get downright cold at times.

No, there isn't snow, but I found leaves changing and I get to snuggle in my big, soft, fuzzy, blanket some nights with a warm mug of Honduran coffee in my hand.

Hmmmm...and there aren't any dreary mud/slush days when the snow melts. Que rico! (How wonderful!)

Silence

Today was my retreat day. In such a large city it is hard to find a quiet place. If it's quiet, it probably means it isn't safe since no one is around.

Everywhere I went today was busy. I finally turned into a park up in the mountains outside the city. There was no one around. I pulled over to the side of the road, surrounded by pine trees. I turned off the car. Silence. Not even a rustle. No birds, no wind, no cars, no people.

In the silence it is so much easier for praise to come from my lips. It is so much easier to listen to God. In those minutes peace and joy comes. I need more of that...or at least more often.

And then come those special gifts from God - a hummingbird comes up next to the car, a slight breeze rustles the trees, and a bird's song is heard. My praise joins His creation in praising Him.

Bad Blogger, But Learning

Well, it's been five months since my last blog. Obviously since writing is not my 'thing', blogging isn't either. During the past few weeks I've done a lot of writing, though. I sent some letters, sent postcards, sent e-mails, set up a website (www.pazpraises.com), and now the blog.

I used to be a really disciplined person, but not any more. I've been struggling with it for a while now.

My lack of discipline started when I was just outright tired of doing a lot of things that just had to be done. I got caught up in the 'have to' list. I got even more discouraged when I tried to eliminate and realized there wasn't much I could delegate, live without doing, or postpone. It was overwhelming.

During that time I read Esther's story again. I thought Esther didn't necessarily like the situation she was in, but she did what she had to do. I could relate. But from there I failed. I had an attitude. I was angry. I was tired.

It doesn't really tell us what Esther felt, but everything she did and said showed courage, faith, and respect. Ouch! When I feel discouraged, afraid, or frustrated do I give into those feelings or do I seek God and allow Him to lift me above those feelings?

In these last few weeks as I struggled through writing, I worked on my attitude of "I hate writing" to focus more on trying to be obedient to God, being thankful for the many people that we need to communicate with, and to praise God for having things to share.

Of course, it doesn't hurt to include photos with my writings so that I have the encouragement of a happy smile, a beautiful flower, or amazing colors to remind me to be thankful!

Semana Santa (Holy Week)

Holy Week in Honduras is a bit unusual. Many offices are closed for the week (especially government offices) and most people head to water - either the coastal beaches, nearby lakes, or local rivers. Fish and shellfish are the main foods available although there are special 'travel' foods. We decided to join the crowd since it was difficult to actually work during the week. We chose to do activities with others, though, and had a great time getting to know several families better.


On Monday we went to La Tigra National Park, just north of the capital. It is a cloud forest that I visited nearly 19 years ago. Roberto and the girls had never been there before. We invited a young couple from church, Misael and Ivonne, with their 6 year old son, Ryan. We had a good hike (about 1 1/2 hours) up into the cloud forest to a waterfall. Since it is dry season the waterfall was less intimidating, but still quite beautiful. It was a very hot, dry day so we could actually see the top of the mountains. (When I was there last, it was covered in clouds.) We had lunch by the waterfall and then hiked back down to the park entrance. We all had a great time and look forward to doing it again sometime.

After a really good, but short night sleep, we left at 6 a.m. with our neighbors Rene, Lili, Jose Rene, Ariana, and Cesia. By mid-morning we were at the black sand beaches of Playa Grande on the island of Amapala, off the southern coast of Honduras. Again, I had been there nearly 19 years ago, but Roberto and the girls had never been there. It was far different from the last time. It is now the a bit 'touristy' when, before, my friends and I were the only ones on the beach other than the fishermen and their families. Now the beach is lined with restaurants, bars, and food stands. It was still a relaxing day other than when Roberto was dealing with a pretty nasty jellyfish sting...ouch! Another neighbor is from the island and we went to their historic home in the afternoon and got a tour of the town and its three parks. After a crazy boat ride back across to the mainland, we headed home for an early night to bed.

Wednesday was a sleeping-in kind of day. We also did laundry and got our things ready for our next trip. On Thursday morning we headed to Comayagua, a town in central Honduras, about a 1 1/2 hour drive from our house. We checked into a hotel and headed straight to the pool. Our good friend and pastor, Luis, lives near Comayagua. He, his wife, Ana, and his children, Jose Luis (12), Ana Raquel (12), and Sara (9), joined us poolside. The kids had a great time swimming while we sat and chatted. We went out to dinner with them in the evening and then just had a quiet night in our room playing games while it poured down rain outside.

We thought that the rain was going to ruin the reason for our visit to Comayagua. The Catholic churches of the city celebrate Good Friday with services and a procession in the streets to commemorate the stations of the cross. The streets are decorated with 'rugs' made mostly of colored sawdust and some with other natural items. There are around 35-40 rugs with the stations set out at different points along the streets. The rugs are made during the night prior to the service. The rain stopped late that evening and the rugs were complete by the time the services began late in the morning. We were able to see them all just before the procession started that destroyed them all! Some were real works of art. All contain pictures related to the life of Christ, although some also included pictures of the Pope, or of other remembered figures of the community or church. I have to admit that I got caught up in the art at the time, but now looking back at the pictures themselves have had more time to reflect on the life of Jesus and His sacrifice for me. I am glad to have the photos as a reminder of His great gift of grace!

After working in a church for several years and knowing how swamped we were the week of Easter with special services, it was a bit unusual to have pastors and missionaries tell us that they took vacation this week, too. At first, I was a bit disappointed that our own church's service was well attended with the regulars, but the service was not much different than the norm. It took a while to realize that I should worship every week with all my heart. Shouldn't I celebrate every day because of the gift He gave? We had been studying grace the past few weeks at church and the series ended on Easter Sunday. What better way to celebrate Christ's resurrection than to be reminded of this precious gift of grace!

My thoughts on blogging

I have been feeling a little guilty about my sad blog that has no activity. The thing is, I really hate to write (and it is evident in my writing, usually). It takes a great deal of effort and time to get my newsletter out each month. Therefore, why do I have a blog? Well, it was supposed to be to keep people updated on our activities since we are so far from friends and family. It was also to share about what God is doing around us, in us, and through us.
After nearly five years of writing newsletters, at least bi-monthly, it doesn't get any easier. BUT I have found that it is extremely important. It's not just because it keeps people updated on what we're doing, but (this is hard to admit) it is because it actual forces me to think. I fly through my days...doing my Bible study, having prayer time, fixing meals, doing laundry, helping with homework, etc. The one thing that doesn't happen enough in my days is thinking. Not just thinking about what to fix for dinner, but the kind of thinking that leaves room for God to speak. I need more of that, so I'm going to schedule blog time. Even if I get nothing written at least I'll have had some thinking time...And maybe you'll hear a little more about what God is doing around us, in us and through us!